(Originally written on December 23, 2017)
At the time of this writing, it was exactly one month ago today that I left Nashville to pursue this weird and wonderful adventure. It's hard to believe that, in only thirty days, I've traveled through five states, driven over 2,000 miles and spent the night in some thirteen different places.
...and innumerable dog farts.
(Source: Google Maps)
Though my journey is (hopefully) only just beginning, I wanted to share some lessons and observations from the trip so far, one for each day I've been away:
November 23
Having three of my friends witness and sign my last will and testament was beyond surreal. Like, this is a legal document outlining what will happen to my estate if I die and we're just giggling and cracking jokes about it in the kitchen. I do appreciate some black humor, though, and that moment was A+.
November 24
A bald eagle on the hunt travels at approximately the same speed as a 1940s-era passenger locomotive.
November 25
Did you know that cockroaches can and absolutely will eat glue? Think about how many family heirlooms you have that are glued together in some way - scrapbooks, childhood artwork, antique furniture. If you ever rent a storage unit, pay the extra $20 a month and make sure it's climate controlled. Trust me.
November 26
It takes a lot of baby wipes to clean a dog covered in deer shit. A lot.
November 27
Hand warmer under a beanie cap. +10 toasty level.
November 28
Bunk beds will always be the best beds.
November 29
First time making instant Ramen Noodles. Also, probably the last.
November 30
George Jones was absolutely insane. Maybe I should've visited his museum in Nashville after all.
December 1
In order to get clear pictures through the zoo enclosures, panda groupies (which are apparently a thing) wear beige pants because they don't reflect off of the glass. Also, pandas are just, like, the worst animals. Seriously. Fuck pandas.
December 2
As much as I enjoyed learning about how to cut up and process a deer, maybe don't use my dog as a visual aid.
December 3
Chili + cigar + beer + bourbon = vomit. I never was great with math.
December 4
Don't ever plan a travel schedule so tightly that it doesn't leave room for cute park ranger girls. I won't make that mistake again.
December 5
If Gabby is freaked out, I should be freaked out.
December 6
Rainfall shower heads aren't all they're cracked up to be.
December 7
A "king tide" is a once yearly phenomenon when the Earth, the moon and the sun are all aligned at perigee and perihelion, creating a higher-than-usual tidal range.
December 8
Sometimes, this future book of mine just writes itself; all I have to do it sit back and watch.
December 9
Flooded rice fields provide critical resting and feeding habitats for migrating birds.
December 10
No mental rabbit hole will ever be as as deep as the ones that open up in the middle of the night, when its twenty-four degrees outside and you're homeless and sleeping alone in a car.
December 11
Turning 30 is a big deal – spend it with friends, not strangers.
December 12
There is no easy way to covertly dispose of an inedible vegan breakfast.
December 13
Don't camp in a forest named after a guy with the nickname "Swamp Fox." Chances are, it's gonna be a swamp.
December 14
If you ever need to get work done while traveling, do it at a Chick-fil-a; plentiful outlets, free coffee refills and even if you don't buy anything, they're too polite to tell you to leave.
December 15
When camping, there is often a fine line between tea and soup. Think about it.
December 16
Always go talk to people with metal detectors. Ask them about the most interesting thing they've ever found and watch their faces light up.
December 17
When building a bike, don't build the chain – just man up and buy a new one. Your testicles will thank you.
December 18
The first campsite you find may not be perfect but, if it's already dark, keep it. No matter how bad this one is, the next one will always be worse.
December 19
If you want to feel better about your career prospects, try eavesdropping on a new employee orientation meeting at McDonald's ("Suppose I take my fight out to the parking lot. Can I still get fired?").
December 20
It is possible to go too fast on a four-wheeler.
December 21
Few social situations will teach you about diplomacy faster than a home-stay on a working farm – especially when the hosting couple gets into a screaming match with each other.
December 22
Small town America doesn't look like what your elected representatives want you to think it does - there are fewer proud farmhouses and a lot more burned-out mobile homes.
December 23
One month of traveling wasn't nearly as difficult as I thought it would be. There were some tough moments, to be sure, and the hardest part is still ahead but I already feel more grounded and at peace than I ever would've imagined after only thirty days. For that, I thank my friends, family and even the complete strangers I've met along the way, who have offered me their sage advice, hot food and soft beds.
It is fitting that today marks the end of the first leg of my trip – what I considered to be the "trial run." I will be off the road for a while to take advantage of some much-needed rest; the plan is to catch up on my writing, make adjustments to the truck bed so that it will be better insulated, and decide on a route and schedule for the second leg of the journey, which will start sometime in the next two weeks. Funds are holding steady, morale is strong and Gabby hasn't pulled a Homeward Bound and abandoned me for warmer climes, so by every indication this trip has so far been a success.
Time now to plan for the hard part: The Great White North
CWO